a child who is very scared of "white people", being
comforted by mother.

wearing his brothers hat.

when my little girl grows up, she is gonna be a model.

hehehe.

(caption possibility #2. when my little girl grows up, she is gonna be a heart breaker.)

hehehe.

my lttile friend falling asleep in doorways.

my love for random patterns #3.

the view from my office window.

flowers in late snow, 16th october 2010.

so today, i start my morning early, drying my clothes, eating
and noticing how sunny and positive the day will be, and then
i decided that even though i am not jewish or muslim, my
new year has already begun.

2010 has been a crazy year for me, with some crazy emotion
and lose. and i kept thinking, 3 months left to go, but now
that my year is already over, it can only get better.

spring has sprung, and things start new and fresh and awesome.
and now it kinda makes sense that the year should start
with the buds, and the fruits, and the little calfs all getting
ready to grow into something awesome.

happy new year.

everyday...
for a moment...
my heart stops...
and i think of you...
more than i was...
the rest of the day...

and these thoughts...
confuse me...
and make me wonder...
how i can get those moments back...
or find the strength in these memories...
so that i can turn this lose...
into my personal gain...
into my personal power...
into my personal strength...

you gave me alot...
and you left me with alot...
and deep down you will always be giving me something...

my love for random patterns #2.

my love for random patterns #1.

"everyday, i shed a tear for you!"

stick fighting, in the kingdom of lesotho.

"mana" preparing for the day...

recently i drove from cape town to drakensberg. on day 2 of my trip, i decided to keep my camera in its bag, but when i got 60km's from my final stop, this caught my eye.

image from an apostolic church, lesotho, eastern highlands.

the church is a rondavel, and during the singing, and drumming, and whistling, it
is normal to run in a circle dancing. this was taken during a sunday service,
which goes on most of sunday morning.

this is the video made by tory williams on our trip in lesotho, in march 2010.

i knew she was making a video, but i never knew exactly what she was making. i guess its kinda personal, but i guess i don't truelly care to much. hehehe. and she did a really great job, and tried to convey the idea of searching, being rescued, etc, which she felt was human characteristic. she was also questioning the concept, that some one living in a huge city like new york, and someone living in the remote mountains of lesotho, could have similar cravings for searching and being rescued. (hope that makes sense, lol.)

she is done an excellent job on this video, and this was one of her first main ones.

to check out her other pic's, sldie shows or vimeos click here (tory williams blog) or here (petit madeleine) more weddings.

enjoy.

early morning...
coffee bay...
in the transkei...
a small strip of moist grass...
a few meters from the ocean...

the beauty in the small things...

some scenes from a project, i helped with for a week in may. this is a project, where school's are helped to set up "food gardens" to provide foods for the lunch program of the school, and agricultural education for the kids. these pictures are taken at a school just outside kokstad, kwa zulu natal.

(this information will be revised, at the moment i do not know enough to write to much about this project.)

Details old abandoned hotel in Port st. johns... this hotel has been abandoned for more than 20years...

i sleep...

to wake up...

i wake up...
to sleep again...

right now...
i struggle to find reasons...
to find a point...
to find passion...

my camera waits...
after being repaired...

but for some reason...
my passion is hidden...

i wake up...
to fall asleep...

i fall asleep...
to wake up...

wood 'n spoon port st. johns...

Dr. Hope, lost lover...

a rainbow...

a beautifull view to some...
dreaded by others...
since it indicates that the rain is finished for that moment...

a boy in blanket...
in the kingdom of lesotho...
a reality to some...
a dream...
or passing image to others...

we live in a diverse world...

old facebook notes

11.59pm Tuesday, June 22, 2010

seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years...
what happened to time...?
what happened to dreams...?

all lost in the fear of lose...
all lost in the need for stability...

stability and garauntee, make
little sense, where death, is
the only garauntee...

old facebook notes

last night... Saturday, May 22, 2010

a bar
one woman
20 men
the scandanavian girl
is definantly popular
right now

beer
pool
mixed drinks
music
reggae music
and a fire outside

marawana lies everywhere
the smell
the product
it's a haze
around me

but im not in the haze

my haze is emotion
it hazes me

i fall asleep
in my tent
open to the sky
letting the stars
shine on me

and i shine back
at them

and let time
heal me

and i let time
heal you

and i thank
for the hectic times

and for the
calm times

and for this
meloncholic time
that heals
and lets
memories drift by

music behind me
kids in the distance

chattering

its saturday

lets do what we do on saturdays

lets unwind
lets drink another coffee

lets
"let go"
and embrass
at the same tme...

old facebook notes

whats that movie called...??? Thursday, March 11, 2010

you know those days...

when the emotions are there...

and you walking around a mall...

a pick 'n pay to be precise...

in a tired drowsy thoughtfullness...

since its so hot...

and the emotions are near the skin...


and suddenly...

for some reason you clap your hands...

and imagine the whole store...

becomeing a choreographed musical...

even though...

you know you cant sing or dance...

and it reminds you of that movie...

with the "beatles" music...

but you cant remember what its called...

even though you loved it and can imagine every scene...

and the scene where she...

dances on the football field...

so well choreographed...

and you know the title has the word universe in it...

uumm...

maybe i know it...

old facebook posts.

branches... green... sunset... Sunday, December 14, 2008

i had a long day...

i swam in a river...

it was not deep so i dipped...

as i stood and changed...

i noticed a tree...

it was green and alive...

on one side...

the other was branchy and dead...

but it was a beuatfifull tree...

and both sides were beuatifull...

both the green...

and the dead twisty...

and i stared...

at the tree...

it was beuatifull...

and life thoughts entered my head...

and i thought...

that even the pain...

the hard...

the dead times in life...

are beuatifull...

jus like the beuaty of the twisty...

dry branches...

in the sunset...

old facebook notes.

when life feels like a song... Friday, November 14, 2008...

sometimes... i hear a song... and its feels like the whole world is moving to this song...

at those moments... i say wow... i love music... as the whole world around me feels my emotions and me theres... and it all move to this song... wow...

am i crazy... or is this jus life...

we all so alone but so joined...

isnt that crazy...

the day hannah flew. (post on my facebook may 1st 2010)

it was a warm sunday... and hannah and a french guy took me up the mountain in a wagon... a wagon or a landrover... a landrover... and we wound our way up the mountain... till we arrived at the top...

it was busy up there... many people at a pub on top of a mountain on top of a part of africa... my africa... on top of my africa... our africa...

so hannah and myself and the french guy whos name slips me... but we will call him david... cause that might of been his name... and some french people are called david... walked away from the crowds out towards the edge of the mountain... and sat near a edge... looking down and over and around... and spoke about life and science and life... as the madding crowd was a bit away behind us...

it was a pretty sunny day... with little white clouds in the distance... like in photos... or movies... or dreams... and we sat there semi alone on the edge of a mountain... in africa... my africa... our africa... and hannah walked out a bit to the edge and stood staring out in to the distance... we could see for ever... we saw the ieffell tower in france and the great american prairies... it was amazing to see that far from my mountain... our mountain... it was.... wow...

and as i looked out at hannah... she jumped... and i was scared she would fall... but she landed on her feet... on my mountain... and as i looked again she jumped again... and jumped... and jumped...

and then she jumped... and she never landed... she jumped and flew... and put out her arms and soared out with the crows on the near by cliffs... and soared and flew... and i could hear her giggling and laughing as she flew... i rubbed my eyes... i pinched myself... but she kept flying... it was... pretty... it was... wow...

and the crows flew by too... and sounded like they giggled too... and hannah flew over... and laughed... and shouted... weeee.... wooo.... as she buzzed by... it was so wow... i was amazed and shocked... and she swooped down and picked up david by his arms and let him go... and he flew... and swooped also... laughing and saying... ooo laaa laaa... he is french... and he buzzed by me... and then hannah... and i smiled... i smiled and laughed... cause it was... wow...

and then i saw david and hannah shoot off into the distance... disapear and all i saw was crows flying and swooping by... and then i felt myself drag and lift up... as david and hannah grabbed me from behind and lifted me up and let me go... and i screamed... a small scream... weeaaa... and as they let me go i first fell and then put out my arms and spun and flew... and i felt the air zoom over my body... and it was... wow...

the crows... and me... and hannah... and david... and a bearded vulture zoomed by... it was so sweet i could taste sugar... wow...

and we could see the people starting to fly too and everyone was giggling and zooming and buzzing and wow... it was amazing... flying so high...

and looked at hannah and she smiled and zoomed... and david he shouted "camabert" and zoomed by... and wow... and some south african even shouted... bookke... i think they beat england that day...

and then i looked at hannah and she looked puzzled... and i was confused cause sahe jus hung in space... and then as i passed her she said... but matthew... i cannot fly... and as she said that she started dropping... and then david... and i... and all... jus dropped...

wow... what a day...

and then we drove home as i slept in the back of the wagon... landrover... remember the days when i slept in the car on family holidays... it was a sweet day... wow...

i walk into the shopping mall "toilets"...
and snow patrol is playing...
thru the vents...
or something...
like elevator music...
or "toilet" music in this case...

and i am sure i have heard it in "toilets" before...
must be the top "washroom" hits...
or something...

and all i can think is...

if i had been in horsens...
denmark...
last sunday...
i could of seen U2 and snow patrol live...

ooopss...

the phone rings...

moments later...
after racing the freeway...
considering jumping red lights...
but luckily most stayed green...

you sit at a robot...
heart beating fast...
mind pounding...
deep breathing...

and you notice the car next to you...
guy inside with ear phones on...
mouthing the music...
bouncing to the music...
smiling...

and you think of the bizarreness...
of this guy smilling...
singing...
while your on your way...
to hear some of the worst news of your life...

it all seems so sureal...
but its real...

and as you drive home...
and you notice all the hot girls...
and all the young guys...
on there way to night clubs...
talking...
smiling...
and youve just lost someone you loved...

we are all in different moments...
all in different times...
yet we are all human...
all struck by similar emotions...
similar joys...
similar pains...

this is life...

gil en rieko... (spelling...)

where...?
where have i been...?
where am i...?
where do i see myself...?

at the moment...
i am trying to find my meaning...
my point...
my purpose...

maybe this is life journey...
maybe its just around the corner...
maybe i need to give up searching...
maybe i need to be easier on myself...

maybe...
i need to choose life...

hehehe...

fantasy time...

a time to escape from where you are...
to become what ever you want...
for a moment...
for a day...
for your life...

goat shearing in the mountain kingdom of lesotho...

every year, april to june, the goats get sheared...
just before winter, so that ice and snow, cannot
collect inside the wool...
the wool then gets exported to port elizabeth, and then
mostly china... some of the wool, will be made into local
hats worn by the sheperds...